I’ve created a new blog last night called LAST NIGHT I DREAMED... meaning to start each blog with ‘Last night I dreamed...’ It is of course a dream blog site to record my dreams and dreamwork from here on, though I will begin with the dream I had on Saturday, July 10...
I am working in an ad agency or an art department. It is one big room with a high ceiling, well-lit, filled with long folding work tables in various configurations. Lots of people, but my corner is fairly unpopulated and quiet. I am new to the place, just transferred here.
I am talking with a financial investor, man in his 30’s, he tells me I have over $200K in investments. I think to myself, that isn’t much. He is talking about giving away some kind of carjack as an incentive to clients. The carjacks have a special feature of some kind, but I didn’t really get what it was. I said, what about some bath stuff, something pretty? Thinking, for women, of course.
Then I was packing up to leave, a female colleague asked if I want to have the bath on Monday or Thursday. This is something we had discussed about previously. I said Monday, but as soon as I said it I knew it should be Thursday. So I said, let me ask my body, which said Thursday.
As I headed for the door I heard Nancie, who was working in the busy crowded corner, saying that she has a meeting with Gary, but he’s late. I came out into the hallway and there’s Gary with his co-worker, a big guy in a soiled white shirt undone half way. It’s one of those hippie shirts with a rope closure that crisscrosses. He’s balding and unkempt. Gary gave me a hug and a peck (in real life he has an aloof and uppity front) and I decided I would help get them settled inside. We went back in and I took them to the back section where it’s less busy, but there was food all over the tables, and a couple of people were eating lunch. I started to wipe the tables down but some of the food – cooked ground beef – was sitting directly on the table without any plate underneath. I pushed it to the left and wiped at the same time, in long vertical strokes, but there seemed to be a lot of it.
There was a vague undercurrent of alertness throughout the dream, reminiscent of the state I was in when in a workplace, though in its mild form.
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DREAMWORK (down by the boardwalk):
The setting is the great working collective – spacious and informal – no pyramidal heirarchy here, just people focused on their work. It is work in advertising/marketing/communication, which I’ve grown bitter and disenchanted about from the years I spent in it, but I sense now there’s another side to it – a positive spin. It can be used, just as anything (even atrocities) can be used, to serve the greater good. Advertising can be used as a vehicle for a message, and like a live wire, it can reach so many in so little time. It is just another way of melding energy with a certain intention. This realization lifts off layers of heavy taint of negative association I’ve accumulated.
In the dream I am working in the corner ‘less occupied’, no surprise there. My ‘preoccupation’ though, is still with my finacial situation. My male investor/client seemed to think I have enough, but I secretly disagree. He wanted to entice the masculine with a novel tool for “doing”; I wanted to attract the feminine, with nurture and self love. Though of course, both are needed. I need to give more energy and focus to matters of a practical nature, such as finances, with resources I know I can find, as well love and care, instead of avoiding it as I have most of my life, out of fear and worry. I will be able to open to new ways of seeing, reacting and meeting financial and business matters, for a change, and a new way to prosper.
Nancie is a popular, proud young woman who is driven to succeed. She usually attracts and commands quite a following. She likes to be in charge and has a lot of potential, but I’ve always felt that there’s a fairly significant imbalance, or something missing in her. She covers it up well with a lot of busyness and talk, but the edges of anxiety and insecurity show. In the dream Gary is the masculine coming to meet her – ah, he’s the missing part – he’s a little late according to her, though he’s really just outside the door. But she’s too busy to go and look for him anyway.
Unlike his real life self and my real life self, Gary gave me a hug and a kiss as if we’re old friends, for we are in fact old friends, as intimate as the masculine and feminine are entwined within one person. We are open to each other at this point in my life, and willing to meet (in an agency, a connecting place, a collective with a common goal) to communicate, work out a creative solution, and get our message, our creative expression, out there into the world.
The older, less-than-well-kept co-worker that Gary brought along for support out of his own insecurity to handle the meeting alone. This man is what Gary will be like in a few years if he doesn’t work on his arrogance and the fears under it – he and Nancie, and of course, me the dreamer, are all quite arrogant and we wear it like a badge – humbled and decrepit and indifferent. I can tell this is part of my Shadow, from the twinges of reluctance in me to look at this character in the dream, and the resistance of my unconscious to pull back the information that’s forthcoming, as if it’s afraid to let it out into the light, or doesn’t want me to know. It’s one of my greatest fears that I’ll end up a failure of a person when I’m old, and can only look back on a life wasted, unable to even care about myself. This of course is the shadow side of my pride, manifested as arrogance to keep my ego boosted.
I welcomed them, for I do want to work on those issues, and tried to make space for them, but my issue with food and eating and deprivation, that whole ball of wax is still in the way. Though the problem (beef) has been minced (ground) and cooked and no longer even contained (no plate or bowl), just lying out in the open, I’ve yet to resolve it.
But out of my anxiety I just tried to push it to the side (left side, the unconscious), though it was difficult because it wasn’t contained. The two people eating lunch? That means I’m still ‘at’ it.
I see, my dreams (at least this one) are like a nightly recap of current events in my waking and unconscious life. Everything that's cooking, coming to a boil or still raw, takes its turn at getting my attention.
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