Another Amorous Dream...

This dream was actually from Tues., July 20, but didn't work on it until today...

I am one of a pack of young people in their late teens or early 20s. Not sure if it was indoor or not, but it was dark as if it’s night time, some lights were on (single bulbs or oil lamps) but not brightly lit. I was ‘paired’ up with a guy and we behaved as teenaged couples do, affectionate, playful. Strong attraction but not intense or heavy. We kept trying to get ‘into’ it but something always interrupts. There was another pair like us. Both guys were honey-blonds.

Then we decided to go out as a group. I said I would take the dog. It was night outside. I am strolling along alone. Everyone else seemed to be ahead. My sister suddenly ran back to me and said to hurry up. I refused to, and continued at my own pace. My belly seemed to be sticking out a bit in front of me, but I had no conscious thought that I was pregnant.

Even though it was dark I could see that this was not a modern or high-tech urban centre of a town, more rural or from a less built-up country or from decades ago. For one thing I don’t think the roads were paved. I crossed the street into the market which was covered overhead. It was like a huge tent divided up into rooms – I think of a warren – and not much space anywhere. Not so much crowded but intimate. A woman darted out in front of me and very excitedly tried to warned me about some danger. It took me a while to understand her, but it was about the 3 feathers (they were feather-like but quite wisy, not much substance to them) I had hanging on the front of my clothing. She didn’t want me to accidently set myself on fire by touching the feathers to this tangle of superheated copper pipes 2 or 3 feet away, half-hidden by the tent flaps. So I turned away from it and after a few steps I chucked the feathers quite unceremoniously on the floor and kept walking.

Eventually I met up with a few of my group – 3 guys I think – they were sitting down at some tables as if waiting for food or drinks. Can’t remember if my guy was one of them, I don’t think so. One guy asked me about something someone did, and I replied, ‘it was Gerry, wasn’t it?’

There was a feeling throughout, sometimes not conscious (can you be ‘conscious’ in a dream?), of wanting to be with my loverboy, though without anguish or apparent urgency, but he kept eluding me.

DREAMWORK:

Why DO I keep having amorous dreams? Checking with my body... because they are representations of the process of retrieving and healing the parts of my own masculine that I’ve lost over the years – soul retrieval journeys through dreams. How beautiful is that!

My amour in these dreams have mostly been young man around 20, slender, lithe, normal looking, often light brown skinned but sometimes white, as this last one was, with honey-blond hair. They are always gentle, tender and poised. Never anxious or aggressive. Sometimes they are intense in their energy, usually it is in their longing. The longing is always in me, though occasionally, like this last one, it was mild and lighter to bear.

I guess the question is why is he so elusive that I could not hold onto him very long? There is no doubt we belonged together, yet it falls short of physical intimacy and consummation, unlike a couple of amorous dreams I had a few weeks ago, though the men in those were a bit older, in their 20s. Perhaps I am working regressively... approaching the more emotionally difficult years of my teens. I do now want whole-heartedly to embrace my teenaged masculine self, and I hope he will come to me soon to stay. I know that he will and that it is only a matter of time when I am ready. The lack of anxiety and comfort in going at my own pace reflect how I feel about this in my waking life. Although I travelled around mostly on my own in the dream, I never felt lost or cut off. The sense of belonging to the group and my lover was always with me. I think I am getting closer to the light.

The 3 feather-like ephemera I wore on the front of my shirt or dress intrigue me. They are 3 things I hold as my standard of beauty that have little substance and can be of great danger to me. One has to do with what is beautiful in body image. This is a tough one for women today, and I’m no exception. Another one has to do with the beauty of performance, the final production or product, how success is presented in our world. Again, I am deep in that program. Hmmm... we seem to be within the theme of the Enneagram Type 3 – the Performer – so far... And yes, it is also within this personality type that the third ‘feather’ and potential hazard is about the standard of beauty for love, how love should look and be represented. The archetypal white knight in shining armour, handsome, gallant, adoring (of the princess), replete with power, status and money, completely devoted to caring and satisfying her every need, and most important of all, be the mirror on the wall that reflects and reassures her of her own beauty ALL the time. Right, my narcissism, more of a type 7 problem than type 3 because our skins are thicker.

Well I certainly see now why I so unceremoniously chucked them on the ground and walked away without a backward glance! I commit myself right now to letting go of these 3 delusions of myself, making space for true love, intimacy and trust with myself. All of me is going through a huge transition and transformation, body, mind, heart and spirit, there’s no longer a template that is true or applicable for any of those parts of myself while I am scrambled and descrambled. So chuck ‘em, and start over.

In the dream I may have been pregnant with my lover’s child, perhaps that’s the source of the contentment? I am assured that all is not lost, that when we are re-united there will be cause for celebration and new birth.