DREAM: I discovered a lump on my back, in the middle just left of the spine. Everyone agreed that I should go see Grandma. I knew she was busy but when I got there she saw me right away, and even before I started to stammer out the words she knew. Her hand went under my shirt straight to the lump. She prescribed “R & R”, by which I knew she meant “Rest & Recreation”. (not relaxation) A man in his 50s or 60s with white hair was hovering to the side, watchful and neutral. There was also an image of a frog, and the words “frogs and amphibians” came to me, as if they were part of the prescription...
DREAMWORK:
I am seeking help from the Great Feminine in the form of The Crone – Grandma – and even though I felt intimidated and shy, she attended to me right away, as if we were equals. In fact, she didn’t look that old, maybe in her 60s, short black hair, body straight and slim. She exuded quiet confidence and poise, and was obviously deeply intuitive. She got straight to the point without wasting a single word or gesture. I revere her and aspire to be like her.
Rest & Recreation (but not relaxation)... my first thought was that I’ve already done lots of that, and that’s what the last 3, 4 months were about. When I told Michael the dream he said he thought recreation meant re-creating. I could feel the truth in that.
When I dropped the word “Rest” into my body I sensed a great and deep trust around it, as if in order for me to truly rest I need to be enveloped by that much trust. Like a baby in its mother’s arms, it carries nothing and cares for nothing, it is not even responsible for itself. It is pure being. In that sense I have not fully rested. In fact, my lower back is achy and stiff for the last few days... from carrying and caring, needlessly, no doubt...
“Recreation”: The act of recreating, or the state of being recreated; refreshment of the strength and spirits after toil... (Webster’s) I think part of the toil includes the work I have been doing on myself. But what does it mean to re-create myself? I have a body-sense image of being taken apart and re-assembled, a kind of rebirth from the pieces of my old self. Like taking apart something made with Lego blocks and making a new one. But in the reconfiguration a new being is created. It is more than re-membering because there is a synergy that comes out of the pieces being in a new relationship to each other, and this new energy presents as a new ‘face’ to the world (refreshed), but the core of my being, my higher Self, my soul, remains the same.
So it is to the ever-available, wise and loving Great Feminine that I can rest in, supported by her consort, the Great Masculine; all I have to do is surrender. I want to just jettison my burden and climb into her lap, but something holds me back... My fear of losing control, of what burdens me, my responsibilities and obligations... what shall I do, my body? Grandma? She says, bring it with you, all of it, my lap is big enough, and just rest, baggage/backache and all. The only thing I ought to jettison is that part of my ego that fears losing control. I give it to Grandfather, the Great Masculine, to hold for me.
As I climb into her lap I think of the hot springs in Costa Rica, a treasure deep in the moist and sunless rainforest is the nurturing and healing warmth of the Mother, dark and fertile. The Great Water and Earth that can hold me like nothing else can; there I found loving rest inside and out. The frog and amphibians are a bridge connecting water and earth. Water moistens the earth and brings forth new life; earth enriches water and nourishes the new life.
Frog as a Totem means Transformation:
The frog is the totem of metamorphosis.
It symbolizes coming into your personal power.
It reminds us not to become bogged down with day-to-day living.
It is the totem of water.
Its voice calls forth the rains.
Emotions are associated with water and
a frog totem may be telling you to get in touch with your feelings.
People with frog medicine give support and energy
where it is needed.
They can cleanse the negativity from an environment.
(from http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/frog.htm)
I am deeply grateful, beyond words...
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