The Call of the Bamboo

DREAMBITS:

I was straightening and putting a long row of stuffed animals into some kind of visually pleasing order. They were all different sizes and colours and types. I was moving quickly because my brother was covering them with a long scarf or cloth right on my heel, so to speak. The stuffed animals were lined up along the top of 3 tall book shelves, which reminded me of the ones we have here at home. The height of the shelves was not perfectly even, and there was a small gap between 2 of them.

My grandmother was there somewhere…

Somehow I was on a bamboo swing with my brother and he wanted to swing harder and harder. I was thinking the 2 of us must weigh at least 300 lbs. and the bamboo crossbeam doesn’t look that thick. We were swing along the same axis as the crossbeam, unlike a conventional swing. I was getting more and more scared as my brother pushed the swing to go higher and higher but I couldn’t do anything about it…

DREAMWORK:

My brother is the part of my masculine I have already claimed and do not have to ‘attract’ or bring back to myself, as with the masculine parts in my amorous dreams. Stuffed animals are childhood or childish desires, drives, and instincts, which I’ve been busy making sense of. But the masculine in me is chomping at the bit to be done with that, for they have now become superficial. The books on the shelves are ones I’ve accumulated over the years but mostly unread. I don’t need them anymore either. Books have been a source of knowledge that makes up a big chunk of my foundation in this life, and though my foundation is a bit uneven and gappy, not perfect, and will likely never be perfected by my own doing, it is enough to go on.

For what I must do, my grandmother, the Wise Feminine, is there to support me.

As this dream involves my real brother, grandmother and a symbol of my Chinese heritage – the bamboo – family and lineage must be of significance…

First, the swing, is yet another reference to childhood play, but outdoors, active, and high energy, compared to playing with stuffed animals, which is more out of our feminine nature. But this is the stage I’m at: still a child, but with more command of body, mind, and spirit than a toddler. There’s more courage and capability for risk-taking – the yang energy is rising and it is so ambitious as to be almost aggressive, even though I, the ego, is forever assessing the situation and fretting with fear.

But the bamboo is stronger than it looks, one of the most resilient material in nature, and symbolizes the renown yet understated resilience of the Chinese. It is humble and common, fast growing and easy to propagate, light-weight and mostly hollow, yet able to bear weight beyond its proportion because of its uniquely tensile strength – because it gives. It embodies the wisdom of the Middle Way, the Dao.

Most interesting is that we were swinging along the crossbeam, the main support of the swing set, which is made of a whole, long piece of bamboo. This means that we can only go as high as the beam, and not higher. So whatever ambition and drive I and my masculine have, will be capped by this limit. It is not unlimited vertical growth, the kind we worship and aspire to in the west like a false god.

I see that the swing is also my own process to find the Middle Way, coming in from the outer swings of extremes to gradually find more and more balance, to hopefully circling the centre of stillness in the middle. But there is a rushing sense of freedom and joy in riding a swing to its limit, in a very simple, childlike way, like a practice of stretching your wings before taking real flight. This is what I will engage in imminently, my novice test flights with training wheels (and wings), a period of finding and working with my latent and inherited gifts and strengths, and experience of pure, simple childhood growth and enjoyment.

I wonder now if this dream was brought about at least in part from my connecting with my original culture through the story of the Taiwanese Buddhist Nun Master Cheng Yen yesterday (http://thehealingspiral.blogspot.com/), and my recent desire to know the stories of my forebearers and where I came from. As I look back now I see that the call to return to our roots has been there for quite some time now, but I am just beginning to hear it…

Healing by Grandma

DREAM: I discovered a lump on my back, in the middle just left of the spine. Everyone agreed that I should go see Grandma. I knew she was busy but when I got there she saw me right away, and even before I started to stammer out the words she knew. Her hand went under my shirt straight to the lump. She prescribed “R & R”, by which I knew she meant “Rest & Recreation”. (not relaxation) A man in his 50s or 60s with white hair was hovering to the side, watchful and neutral. There was also an image of a frog, and the words “frogs and amphibians” came to me, as if they were part of the prescription...

DREAMWORK:

I am seeking help from the Great Feminine in the form of The Crone – Grandma – and even though I felt intimidated and shy, she attended to me right away, as if we were equals. In fact, she didn’t look that old, maybe in her 60s, short black hair, body straight and slim. She exuded quiet confidence and poise, and was obviously deeply intuitive. She got straight to the point without wasting a single word or gesture. I revere her and aspire to be like her.

Rest & Recreation (but not relaxation)... my first thought was that I’ve already done lots of that, and that’s what the last 3, 4 months were about. When I told Michael the dream he said he thought recreation meant re-creating. I could feel the truth in that.

When I dropped the word “Rest” into my body I sensed a great and deep trust around it, as if in order for me to truly rest I need to be enveloped by that much trust. Like a baby in its mother’s arms, it carries nothing and cares for nothing, it is not even responsible for itself. It is pure being. In that sense I have not fully rested. In fact, my lower back is achy and stiff for the last few days... from carrying and caring, needlessly, no doubt...

“Recreation”: The act of recreating, or the state of being recreated; refreshment of the strength and spirits after toil... (Webster’s) I think part of the toil includes the work I have been doing on myself. But what does it mean to re-create myself? I have a body-sense image of being taken apart and re-assembled, a kind of rebirth from the pieces of my old self. Like taking apart something made with Lego blocks and making a new one. But in the reconfiguration a new being is created. It is more than re-membering because there is a synergy that comes out of the pieces being in a new relationship to each other, and this new energy presents as a new ‘face’ to the world (refreshed), but the core of my being, my higher Self, my soul, remains the same.

So it is to the ever-available, wise and loving Great Feminine that I can rest in, supported by her consort, the Great Masculine; all I have to do is surrender. I want to just jettison my burden and climb into her lap, but something holds me back... My fear of losing control, of what burdens me, my responsibilities and obligations... what shall I do, my body? Grandma? She says, bring it with you, all of it, my lap is big enough, and just rest, baggage/backache and all. The only thing I ought to jettison is that part of my ego that fears losing control. I give it to Grandfather, the Great Masculine, to hold for me.

As I climb into her lap I think of the hot springs in Costa Rica, a treasure deep in the moist and sunless rainforest is the nurturing and healing warmth of the Mother, dark and fertile. The Great Water and Earth that can hold me like nothing else can; there I found loving rest inside and out. The frog and amphibians are a bridge connecting water and earth. Water moistens the earth and brings forth new life; earth enriches water and nourishes the new life.

Frog as a Totem means Transformation:

The frog is the totem of metamorphosis.
It symbolizes coming into your personal power.
It reminds us not to become bogged down with day-to-day living.

It is the totem of water.
Its voice calls forth the rains.
Emotions are associated with water and
a frog totem may be telling you to get in touch with your feelings.

People with frog medicine give support and energy
where it is needed.
They can cleanse the negativity from an environment.
(from http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/frog.htm)

I am deeply grateful, beyond words...