DREAM that I was buying used slippers for 99¢, not because I really wanted them, but because I have this compulsion that I should buy enough to make it worth the transaction. As if paying 99¢ is too ‘cheap’ of me that I should rack it to at least $3 or something. So I picked up a second pair of slippers and put it into a straw-woven purse or shopping bag with a very ‘holey’ bottom. It looked more like a grill with one criss and three cross lengths of straw strands, making 6 ‘holes’. But it was enough to hold the slippers without them falling out the bottom.
DREAMWORK:
Yet another facet of my insatiability, my compulsive need for more, because ‘more’ is somehow more acceptable, and makes me look and feel better about myself. ‘More’ becomes the desired outcome, not the object that I want more of. Shame is covered up under having more, shame that I feel lacking inside, that I am not enough. Round and round I circle that same leg of the spiral…
The slippers were used, belonged to others, and probably discarded by them. And here I was, ready to ‘slip’ them on, other people’s discarded directions and purposes and motivations. Is it because I do not have a clear sense of my own? At the moment I would have to say that that is how I feel. I was not aware just how easily I can be swayed by this to just assume someone else’s path, that I am so easily ‘sold’. That I can so easily and carelessly sell myself. Twice now I’ve applied for jobs that I do not really care about, and twice my unconscious has shown me that I’ve betrayed my true self. Yet I am still stuck in that fear that I’ve caved into…
What’s with the strangely made bottom of my shopping bag then? Somehow the only ‘interpretation’ that feels right is that the bag is bottom-less, like my appetite for more, but why not completely open then? Why the strands that made 6 sections or holes? It reminds me of the dream I had of the piece of paper folded into 12 (2x6) squares or rectangles, each with a 2-digit number in it. Perhaps it is so mathematical and rational because it is pointing to the masculine domain, and I can see that direction, purpose, and motivation would fit that bill. And somehow those have to do with my personal value system, what I believe something is worth, how I measure and assess according to my standards. How much of my standard of measurement is based on conditioning likely determines when and why I feel ‘enough’ or ‘not enough’ about something.
The message to me then, is to re-examine this belief system I have regarding value (in fact, this is probably just one of all of my belief systems that’s being brought to scrutiny) – how much of it serves my higher purpose and my true self, how much of it is mindless mimic and diminishes who I am, leading me to believe in lack instead of plenitude? Jupiter embodies the spirit of expansion and abundance, of life’s fortune and flow of give and receive – please help me become the true child of Jupiter that I am!
3, 6, 99… 99 is 3x33… 3 being the masculine number… and 2 that separates or divides… is it a measure of the split in my masculine?? That I am still split along the transverse of the solar plexus, the seat of personal power? Knowledge is not wedded to creativity, still the split between masculine and feminine, except now the disconnection is between top and bottom, mind and body, heaven and earth – not left and right, which are at least on the same level – this is heirarchical, masculine being on top of feminine, and us being earth-bound creatures, are subjected to gravity’s pull – always downwards…
I have a sudden image in my mind of The Hanged Man, hanging upside down… perhaps Sandra Thomson’s “Pictures from the Heart: A Tarot Dictionary” will throw a clue my way…
Being upside down, the head/ego is brought down to earth, which is something I am in sore need of. It is also setting free the static way we see masculine and feminine, as male and female, black and white, separate and distinct, the duality which is the legendary wound in the Fisher King’s thigh, the wound that will never heal until he can surrender his ego. And as the masculine descends into the underworld, the feminine, now closer than ever to heaven, awaits the fire that will return with Prometheus, so that she can express her wings of creativity and take flight as a full and wholey human being.
“Certainly the inversion of values is the first step of the mystical journey. In the Alchemical card the man, suspended by a snake, hangs from a gallows. He loses his gold, representing the loss of worldly possessions, self-esteem, and a ‘sense of our role in the world’… emphasize an inversion of commonly held values.” I can definitely relate to all of what she mentioned here…
Incidentally, I noticed that I am feeling much more alert and energized now than I have all day. Perhaps I should have done my dreamwork earlier…!!
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