A New Status Quo

DREAM: that I am in a camp for training of some kind, and my mother (looked like her too) was one of the people in charge there, although she was wearing her nightgown. I am writing a test that’s like a glossy magazine or booklet, and couldn’t remember the answers to most of the questions even though I knew that I knew them. When I saw my mother I said, “what’s the point of knowing these numbers, they are useless!”, then I threw the booklet down and stormed off. I don’t remember if I said this to her or just thought it to myself, but I felt that the way spirituality is at the Fire and never tests you was a far better way. The light was dim in the dream.

DREAMWORK:

Of course, I wish my mother had taught me about the measure of real self-worth and I did not have to pass tests to be considered acceptable by society. But I bought into the glossy, colourful marketing and alluring promises of status quo, only to find that I’ve grown small from the conditioning fed to me like mother’s milk. I’ve become disenchanted with the way we have enslaved ourselves to masters of our own making, numbers and values and bottom lines that we have to live up to or we are worthless in our own eyes.

I still carry some bitterness and resentment about this ‘damage’. I still feel like a victim. And I've still got one foot stuck in that trap of seeking social approval and validation. I am still angry at myself for all of the above.

I have found healing from being with the people at the Fire, being in community with them, in the moment-to-moment ordinariness of daily life. Together, we are building a new status quo, one that does not require you to be chopped up into pieces, weighed and measured and squeezed into a mould. For the first time in a long time (not since I played in highschool bands) I want to be with people living and working and serving communally. I felt belonged and accepted and loved, even though I’ve done little. No one was measuring me or testing me. This I have not found anywhere else in my life.

This dream solidifies all of this and brings it upfront and centre for me, this truly great healing in my life. I have much to be grateful for.