5-Stall Toilet Dream

DREAM: Another toilet dream... a 5-stall filthy, disgusting one...

DREAMWORK: Well, it is true that I had to go pee very badly in the night, and my encounter at the public washroom yesterday at the beach was rather unpleasant, but the dream also had something else to tell me... the toilets, stalls, and floor were so vile (at one point I was actually on the floor for some reason, how I managed not to get any on me was a miracle that only dreams are allowed) that desperate to go as I was, there was NO WAY TO GO... There are that kind of blockages in my life that I have not cleared, in 5 areas, to be exact.

1) Food:
a. Food I should not eat – coffee (iced or otherwise), ice cream (soy or otherwise), oranges, wheat product, potato chips, salmon (this was a surprise),
b. Food I should eat – white fish, oysters (!), mineral complex liquid, silica (tissue salt)
2) Sleep: 11pm to 8am + nap if necessary – sleep on couch occassionally
3) Work: the block is in not being able to stay with a job or task, because of:
a. Distraction – I can be distract by 6 different things at once when I’m doing something already. There’s a fear that if I don’t chase them down, nail them down even in part, I will lose them. Fear of losing exciting opportunities, so I stuff myself. A lovely 7 trait. I need to SURRENDER CONTROL TO THE DIVINE, and hold the simple peace and trust that all will be taken of.
b. Inferiority – believing that I’m not good enough for the job, therefore either shrink back from it, or resort to pretending that I know how to do it when I don’t, instead of being upfront and ask for more information or training. I ought to choose work that I know I am good at, that I have a gift for, and be honest and upfront about work that are not my strength. Express my feelings about it so no false expectation is set up from the start; ask for assistance and clarification. Most of all, accept myself for doing the best I can, and that is good enough. Smile from my heart.
4) ????: for some reason I am not to know this one yet...
5) Self loathing: I didn’t realize that I still hate myself... quite this much... things that I do not accept about myself, things that I am ashamed of... things of the Shadow...
a. I hate that I am a shrinking violet, not speaking up or stepping forward when I really want to
b. I hate that I am short and fat in the wrong places and flat-chested and flat-footed – I have problems relating to my body
c. I hate that I lied, cheated, stole, and still have the potential to do so

But when I was lying on the floor I did not get dirty... GET GROUNDED! The body, the material, the physical – manifest, actualize, realize!