My Muse Girl

DREAM that the phone rang and it was a call from a girl I knew. She was leaving a message to tell me that our class had been cancelled when I picked up the phone. Her voice was mellow and melodic. She said ‘Oh hi!’ with surprise and real joy, because we had some good times together rehearsing our play, which was what the class was. “I miss you!” she said. I said I did too. Then I told her that I had just gone to the class, but no one else showed up except for the teacher.

DREAMWORK:

My shadow girl, whom I felt great affection for. Why is she my shadow then? She was photogenic, young and attractive, poised and graceful, she exuded quiet confidence and self-possession. Creatively, she simply flowed. Energetically, she was the Middle Way. These are things I believe I do not have, and ashamed of not having, though I longed for them, for her (why this took place on the phone instead of in person). She is a muse figure to me.

I haven’t ‘played’ for such a long time, I don’t even know what to do when I hear the message: “You need to play more in your life.” Dear Muse Girl, will you show me how to play again? I am willing and open.

My memory of the kind of play that brought me the most bliss and flow were all from childhood, when I orchestrated improv circle dances or childplay with my cousins and my siblings, or when I played clarinet in ensembles and bands in highschool. Parts of it were there when I put on children’s plays in Sunday school, and even when I tried to organize a spa day with the other practitioners at the clinic, though the key element of kindred spirit and resonance were missing in those.

I see now it is the whole process of creating that lights my fire and keeps it high throughout the project.
To be a part of the entire production, a co-creator who is included at least in the vision, if not all the action, every step of the way.
To feel included and safely held in the web that wove us together in this endeavour.
To see and feel the beauty, the talent, the wonder, the joy, the comraderie, the creativity flowing in and out of all of us and all around us.
To be fed and enlivened by the cause that we all share, for something bigger than ourselves.
To serve that greater purpose with hands and hearts linked together, for the good of the collective first, self second.

Invisible as part of the group, no longer self-conscious. Bliss and belonging will be my reward; a greater love will warm and nourish me. This is what my life is for.

The teacher has come, now I just have to open to the rest of the group into my life.

P.S. So this is why I have North Node in Cancer, South Node in Capricorn, Moon in Taurus, and Venus in Aries in the 11th house...