School of Wisdom

DREAM that I was in a school-like building or complex, on the ground floor. In fact, the place was quite earthy, a bit shabby, although functional. I was looking into 4 classrooms, each long and rectangular and in a row, but I was going in the backdoor. I was looking for my stuff, so I could go to my class. I had a bright emerald green dress on, very short with the hem slightly puffed. I was worried that it was so short, because apparently I didn’t have underwear on.

At one point a man I was acquainted with asked me if I wanted that drink he had given me before. I smiled and said I was fine for now. I knew he liked me but I didn’t want to encourage his affections because he was too old and scruffy for me. He seemed a bit morose.

DREAMWORK:

I am still a novice in the big school of wisdom, but at least now I am closer to ground. From what I understand Daoism is a practice that revolves around reverence and love of nature as ‘deity’, all creation being equal and there is no god or one that has power over all other. There is no beginning, therefore no creation story, and there is no end. Life as we know it is one big circular swirl of energy that goes on in perpetuity, and that is all we need to know, all we need to live.

I think this is the school in my dream, and the 4 classrooms – were they daoism, buddhism, sufism, and zen? Shamanism? I am investigating to see which has ‘me’ in it. Perhaps there is something in each I need to learn. Perhaps I am to retrieve a piece of myself from that room. Perhaps that’s what I’m doing with daoism. I am going in the back way because that’s a shortcut, but I need to stay open to going in the front – formal – way if that’s best for me. I have been studying on my own, without the help and influence of a living teacher or institution, which would be what I consider as the front door way.

But it was none of the 4 classrooms I was meant to end up in. I was only getting my ‘stuff’ from one of them, then heading to where I belonged. Hmmm… the fifth room… Maybe I don’t need anything to go to my class with, I could just go as I am, bare-ass and all…

The colour of my dress was vivid and jewel-like, the colour of the heart chakra. The cut of the dress was a child’s smock, without a waist and the puffy hemline gives it a suggestion of a formal or courtly appearance. So it’s not just a plain everyday dress. It’s somewhat special or for a special occasion. I was a bit too old in the dream for the dress, as a teenager, no more than 20, but on the level of spirituality and practice I do indeed appear in a child’s garb. Does this mean I ought to put on something more becoming of who and what I am, a more mature appearance in the way I present myself, because that’s more true to the picture? Am I being falsely modest and trying to hide inside a child’s dress? Do I ‘have’ more innately than I allow myself admit? Am I afraid to be caught ‘short’ – self-deficiency being the core fear of a type 7 – by public opinion? We are taught from childhood that exposing oneself is a mortal sin, for which you will be stricken with the worst kind of mortification. But isn’t it just man-made conditioning after all? Shaming is not practiced anywhere else in creation.

But I am still bound by the fear that I am not enough and I will be judged as such, that I am not an authority on anything, that I have not deepened into anything, that I still have so much to learn. I can still learn, without the fear though. That’s my prayer today, to let go of this fear, and all of its influences.

The old scruffy man was an Animus figure, who loves me and wants to help me. But I rejected him because of his appearance. I am still judging by the standards with which I have been taught, and that which I fear to be judged by. Still stuck in the mirror on the wall.

I had accepted a drink – help – from him before, most likely when I really needed it. Now I’m not feeling the urgency or desperation, I can afford to be judgmental and refuse his offer to help. Can I though? The drink was probably a shot of wisdom, which I def’ly need.

So amend or addend my prayer: I let go of the fear of insufficiency and the conditioning of judgment, with all of their ill influences. Thank you, Source, I am deeply grateful.