DREAM that our upstairs neighbour S. was showing her apartment because she is moving out. (She is actually moving out but we haven’t seen anyone coming to see the apartment yet.) Suddently I realized that Nemo is out there in the staircase because our door is open. I ran to get him before Sarah sees him, but it was too late, she was coming down the stairs already. Surprisingly, she had a cat in her arms! It was black and white like Nemo but smaller.
DREAMWORK:
Our relationship with S. has been tense because of her aversion to cats. I would say the whole unpleasant thing between us is one concerning boundary. We were told unofficially that she will be moving in with her boyfriend, but we don’t know when. We have been keeping Nemo inside, much to his chagrin, as he is used to more space to roam than this. In the dream the die had been cast and she was moving, although that may be the wish-fulfilling element. But I can definitely see S. as an aspect of my shadow, the part of me that has boundary problems, that feels victimized and encroached upon, feels self-righteously taken advantage of. But also one that is over-compensating for her sensitivities with preemptive fear and anxiety.
So I was shocked to see her holding a cat, much less a cat that looked like mine, just smaller. A regular sized cat, unlike our hefty champion here. Had my shadow healed herself of victimhood? If so, how did that come about? Does it have to do with my dream yesterday with the seagull and the eagle?
Hmmm… How does it all fit together?
I sense it has to do with emotional eating to soothe the pain of vulnerability; times when I felt hurt by something or someone or just generally the big bad world. When I used to come home from work and start eating non-stop until I go to bed. But having now ripped out the gullet and stomach (the seagull) with which I used to feed my addiction, and offering it as sacrifice to a higher level of spiritual growth (the eagle), I will no longer be feeding the need to eat as an emotional response. Hmmm… it’s kinda like healing backwards, removing the compensation somehow eliminates the trigger… I can’t see how that can be though… I would think that removing the compensation but not the cause will lead to my psyche looking and finding another form of compensation, unless, the cause is somehow also balanced…
Has it been? Has it been healed because of my new-found relationship and perhaps even integration of Daoism, non-dualism, non-doing, non-interfering Middle Way? I was able to realize and admit to Michael the other night that I was allowing my judgment to interfere with how he sees and runs his life, that it was really not my place or business. My anger and frustration left after that. It was quite liberating, like a boulder, though a small one, rolling off my right shoulder (I saw it on the right). En-lightening, you might say, is truly about letting go, not about getting anything. If I had never learned a darned thing in my life (or as little as possible), but I also never learned to hang on to things, and I never lost the innate ability to let go whenever it’s called for, would I be a happier, healthier, and fuller human being today?? Hmmm…
Well, I will keep an eye on myself the next time a potentially victimizing situation arises, and see how I respond. But I feel it is still apt to give my thanks for this dream and its healing and insight, and if I truly am healed of my boundary issues (which I came into this life with), then this has indeed been a bonus healing! Life has never, ever ceased to blow me away.
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